The Next Survivor Series

I don't know when I am going to be back at home and on a regular posting schedule again, but hang in there, I will be back! Until then, this came my way via email and I thought it was too good not to pass on! Women, get ready to sign your husbands up for this next Survivor....

THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES - Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks.

Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes.

There is no fast food.

Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, and complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of 'pretend' bills with not enough money. In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.

Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time.

Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment.

He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care. He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function.

Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times. The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.

The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, adorn himself with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep fingernails polished and eyebrows groomed.

During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties.

They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting. They will need to read a book and then pray with the children each night and in the morning, feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair by 7:00 am.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child's birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor's name. Also the child's weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor, each child's favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up.

The kids vote them off the island based on performance. The last man wins only if...he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice. If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over again for the next 18-25 years eventually earning the right to be called Mother!

Shrill Shopping

An old man was grocery shopping with his grandson. The toddler was crying and at times screaming at the top of his lungs. As the old gentleman walked up and down the aisles, people could hear him speaking in a soft voice..."We are almost done, Albert....try not to cry, Albert....life will get better, Albert...." As he approached the checkout stand, he carefully brushed the toddler's tears from his eyes and said again, "Do not cry, Albert... we will be home soon, Albert..." As he was paying the cashier, the toddler continued to cry as a young woman in line behind him said, "Sir, I think it is wonderful how sweet you are being to your little Albert." The old gentleman blinked his eyes a couple of times before saying, "My grandson's name is John....I'm Albert..."

We have all been there. We must go shopping and the little one(s) must come along. Does anything fill your heart with dread more? I read this little amusing story that came my way via email and thought - story of my life!

I can remember being at WalMart with my two girls this summer. Somehow the two them got started on a screaming frenzy. The younger loves to imitate her older sister. So, there they were, in my shopping cart, one screaming then the other screaming, and grinning like they were the coolest thing since Dora the Explorer. I couldn't get them to stop. What do you do? I mean, I had visions of duct tape over their mouths, but of course THAT would never happen outside of my dreams. I walked through the store, pushing this cacophony along, literally talking out loud..."I don't know these kids, I just found them in the parking lot, I have NO idea who these children are..."

Have you ever been there and done that?